She bought the most gorgeous steel cape.

He bought the most beautiful glass nails.

Furious typing.

She slowly twisted her knees so that she was in a sitting position.

Furious typing.

“THAT CAPE STIMULATES MY DISPLAY CARD.”

Furious typing.

“I ENJOY THAT COMMENT.”

Furious typing.

“¿DID YOU SEE THAT FEMALE AT THE SHOPPING CENTER? SHE STIMULATED MY INTERNAL COMPONENTS.”

Furious typing.

“I AGREE.”

2 scientists giggled as they leered over a long globe, ‘hind whose glass sat a plastic pink home with S8-C & BRB sitting in the living room, keyboards under each scientist’s hands.

Rash the warthog was crossing a bridge when he was stopped by someone in Grecian armor.

“¡Halt, hog! Ye shalt not passeth.”

“¿Why not?”

“Our kingdom don’t like you round these parts, pardner.”

“¿Why?”

“¿Yo? ¿No comprende? You a mangy animal wit sharp tusks. ¿What the fuck?”

Rash drew himself up.

“Hmmph. Well, you don’t have to be rude, sir.”

“O, ¡but I do! ¡The king commands!”

“Well, he must not be a very good king, then.”

The guard walked home with a disillusion that lasted decades.

As for Rash, he returned to the Garden o’ Ava, where he swam in warm mud & feasted grapes.

Victoria voraciously scoured all o’ the teeth-brushing hobbyist zines for coupons, snipping each she found, till she had the million & 4 needed to win her prize.

Since then she’d wait by the mailbox all day & night—but not noons; that’d be ridiculous—not bothering to eat, sleep, take bathroom breaks, or brush her teeth—despite Teeth Brushing Illustrated’s advice.

Finally, she saw the mail deliverer stuff a tan package into her mailbox. She didn’t wait a second ’fore ripping it out & tearing it open.

She gasped as she gazed @ it.

¡Finally! ¡My own vial of urine!

Rose pounded her beak on the podium.

“My opponent wants to lure us with the wonderful sound o’ her rolled R’s. She’s dangerous.”

Azura raised a wing into the air.

“My opponent only says such things for her own end. Don’t let her excellent diction mesmerize you.”

Rose turned to Azura. “You don’t mean that.”

Azura turned to Rose. “I do.”

“Azura, you’re such a bleeding-heart.”

“& your temper is liable to scorch us.”

They met ‘gain later that night, perched atop the local Goldman Sachs building, pecking with wings clasped under the moonlight.

She could hear footsteps.
She wrapped fingers round her bars.
They still wouldn’t budge.
The door creaked open.
She sees legs robed by pale pants.
As they step forward, she looks upward.
She sees a smiling face,
Sees eyes that looked sunk-in,
Eyes that looked naked without glasses.
She sees the hand rise,
Holding a needle.
The doctor says nothing.
Nobody e’er says anything.
She doesn’t e’en feel the needle when it punctures her skin.
Her eyelids fall, followed by her body,
Followed by quiet snores.
The doctor says eternal sleep is peace;
But they can also be nightmares
She has no power to wake from.

“I warned you that if you did it, this’d happen,” the person on the other end said in a booming tone.

“Nope. No, you didn’t,” Peter the Puma replied, shaking his head.

“Yes we did.”

“Nope.”

“Well, it’s too late, anyway,” the voice said. “You already did it & now this happened. I hope you’re happy.”

Peter nodded vigorously. “Yeah, uh huh. Yup.”

“O, so you like that this happened, do you? You’re 1 o’ those people, huh?”

“Yeah, uh huh. Yup.”

“Well, let me just say: you won’t be so happy when this causes that to happen.”

Hiss pounded his rattle.

“~!S-s-stop! 1 o’ you, ~!s-s-stop & ‘s-s-splain!”

Cyril turned to Hiss, smoothed his tattered tie, & said, “I tried telling Quintin that Peru’s north, near Canada; but he wouldn’t listen.”

Quintin spoke: “Don’t listen to him, our Anubis; everyone knows Peru is south—that’s where its continent, Africa, is, after all.”

Hiss pounded his rattle ‘gain, thinking, Mother was right when she said having humans could be a chore.

So Hiss charged them for their own medical bills & half each for the plane repairs & then lured them back into their water ball with torn-off clumps o’ Hiss’s pizza.

They were up to his elbows in dew—& what made it worse was that ’twas attached to sword-long blades o’ grass.

They nudged each other in their frantic spree for the prize hidden anywhere deep within the turf jungle.

Spike ‘ventually found anywhere. He saw it practically glowing with white light, stabbed on a hook hanging from the sky.

He snatched it & gazed @ it for a minute ‘fore smacking his face.

“¡I should’ve known! ¡Earth’s moon is called ‘the Moon’!”

But when he took the test next week, he forgot & thought ’twas Europa & received an E.”

Peter the Puma ’peared disheveled as he waltzed toward the wooden gate.

“¿What you think you’re doing round here?” asked the guard.

Peter said in a syrupy tone, “Just crossing by, sir.”

The guard shook his head. “You can’t pass.”

“¿Why not?”

The guard lifted his clipboard.

“’Cause you’re not on the agenda.”

Peter nodded vigorously. “O. OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

He began pacing ’way, then swung round & leapt the gate.

“¡Stop!” the guard shouted, but then stopped himself, eyes wide.

“Wait… I don’t need to chase him anymo’. He can pass now. Since we have to stop him, he’s now on the agenda.”

O, King Fluffy the 128th,
How your rubbery belly shines
As you flop through your pond o’ golden rings;
How your eggs tilt here & then there,
Waiting to crack open,
Waiting to unleash their spawn
Onto the whole kingdom:
Devouring everyone’s flesh flaps
With their cute li’l muzzles,
& slapping us into liquid paste
With their supersealed flappers.

O, King Fluffy,
We have given you so much gold,
So much power.
We are good subjects, ¿aren’t we?
Yes, we are;
& you are, too.
Yes you are.
So, we beseech you, our highness:
For god’s sake, don’t let those monsters break free.