The fat mice felt comfortable preying on the fat spiders with the fat cats, only for the fat spiders to dwindle, leaving them not ‘nough to eat.

To the fat mice’s unease, the fat cats turned their moonbeam eyes on them.

Despite their struggle, the fat mice began to thin.

That’s OK, 1 thin mouse thought with an aching gap in its stomach. I can see the fat dogs eying the cats.

Indeed they did, till the fat cats began to thin & the fat humans targeted them.

What will the fat humans eat when the dogs thin?

O, tofurky. That’s good to hear.

This is it. When we get this, we won’t need to eat out o’ people’s recycling bins anymo’.

She saw someone walk through the office & out the hall. A suited man leaned out & called, “¿Mr. Hideon?”

¿What? She looked round the room, only to see the wall come to life from ‘hind the potted plant & walk toward the suited man.

With a cheek-to-cheek smile, the suited man said, “You & your disguises, Oscar. You never change.”

They shook hands, Mr. Hideon nodding.

“Tell you what: none o’ our candidates have been fitting so far…”

She wanted to scream, “¡I do! ¡I fit all o’ the criteria you listed on your ad!”

“¿How ’bout I just give you the job?”

Mr. Hideon nodded & followed the suited man into the hall.

“The rest o’ you can go home. Thank you for your time,” the suited man said.

¡Damn that Oscar! ¡He steals every job right under my nose!

Barbara sat on the toilet trying to pee, but found it difficult due to a kidney stone.

That’s it. No supernatural monster lurked in her bladder, no plant monster waiting outside the door to devour her, no crystal croc swimming in the toilet water.

It wasn’t even that painful. ‘Twas mostly just waiting for it to pass. Not a dire stone; just your average inconvenient kind.

It finally passed, allowing her to finish & leave.

Her day went perfectly smoothly after that. Truly. No car ran her over as any last-minute deux ex machina, no realization o’ the horror that is her existence.

She did find a quarter on the ground; but that’s all.

They never stopped.

The dictator leaned over him. “¿Now why won’t you eat your grape juice? ¿Don’t you know it’ll make you e’en stronger? You’ll do much better in track if you eat your juice.”

But he couldn’t stop staring @ the fork, @ all o’ the fuzz balls, cockroaches, & rust stains hugging its sharp prongs.

There’s no way out o’ this.

But I must get out.

So he pretended to drop his fork.

E’en if they can’t see it’s obvious germs, they can’t make me use it after it’s clearly fallen on the floor.

“O, here you go,” said the dictator, handing the fork to him.

“But… but it fell.”

“& I picked it up.”

“But I can’t use a dirty fork.”

The dictator smiled, his yellowing teeth showing.

“10-second rule.”

‘Twas the last meter stretch & his enemies were ardent.

He dived to the side just as a lob o’ E. coli cabbage flew by, just missing his head; he long-jumped over the yawning puddle o’ salmonella blood; he raised his tray as a shield Mad Cow milk splashed @ him.

He didn’t stop till he was a’least 5 blocks from school, his chiseled chest heaving up & down.

‘Nother day he made it.

But he knew it wouldn’t last forever.

They’d get him ‘ventually.

That was how they worked: they found your weakness & tried to press you further into it.

‘Cause they want you to lose.

I may have screwed up my last chance; but I won’t this.

He swayed left & right gracefully, dodging each white splash from every apartment window ‘bove.

There it is.

He scraped his feet back rapidly as his eyes locked on the throbbing heart & sparkling ruby.

You probably thought he got hit by a splash o’ mayonnaise, ¿eh?

He didn’t.

‘Stead, he stopped as he saw a stampede o’ bony equines with equally-bony riders glide toward him, blocking the whole road ‘head.

The front horse’s rider clicked its crustaceous claws.

Everything’s going to go fine—stop worrying.

She dipped a chip into salsa & took a bite while the rapid sounds o’ shaking rain filled the room.

“¿Care to dance, Madame?”

She looked up with a start to see a man dressed in indigo hold a hand out.

Quit panicking. Everything’ll go fine.

She took his hand & they danced the shoe stain, stomping their feet @ steep left & right angles repeatedly.

They stopped when the music slowed, her panting & sweating.

“I think… I’ll need a break.”

“No problem, Madame.”

That was when she saw him smile.

Her eyes widened as she spotted the dimple just @ the edge.

“Madame, it seems you’re bleeding. I think you may need to see a doctor.”

She glanced to her sleeveless arm & saw a gouge leaking blood.

She could recognize the bramble needle sticking out from kilometers ‘way.

I have to hope he can’t find me in this garlic bush. They’re always allergic to garlic bushes. He probably thinks I didn’t see him sharpening that stake, but I did. I know exactly what he’s thinking—I’ve seen the rumors. That’s the secret to stopping us—ending it all. That’s what they want, ¿eh? Freedom from eternal slavery under my fingertips—even when I created them! They won’t get ‘way with this. They can’t. I’m the 1 in charge, not them.

…

Just so long as he doesn’t look in this garlic bush…

“Be careful: roll it a millimeter too far & it’ll fall right off.”

Gorilla Kong grunted in annoyance. He was peering closely @ the magically floating platform magically sliding left & right just below.

When he saw it coming toward them, he tapped the tire just a millimeter, causing it to roll over the side…

& off the other end o’ the platform.

Puff slapped his forehead. “I told you.”

They stared sadly @ the tree teasing them ‘bove with its trove o’ glasses sparkling with champagne.

This so stung their hearts that they rolled themselves right off the cliff, leaving no further noise but a faraway pop, like a burst balloon.