When they caught him, he told them he was breaking into the cathedral to deface it, e’en though the only thing they found in his bag was an empty bottle & a scalpel. Some members o’ the congregation assumes he was going to cut himself & smear his blood, & then smash the bottle & spread its glass shards round, too, in some Satanic ritual—though why he didn’t just use the broken glass to cut himself, the congregation could ne’er puzzle out.
He preferred that to them knowing the truth: that he was planning to chisel their stained-glass windows o’ their scrumptious bear beads—beads with just the right sucrose to make the tastiest syrup in the world. ‘Twas a secret only he knew, & a secret he’d take to his grave.