¿who’s your goduncle?

with his microphone cord slithering round him jack announced to the audience, <welcome e’eryone to “¿who’s your goduncle?”. we have here 3 contestants> — jack pointed to a row o’ men, all in similar modest black suits & wearing indifferent scowls, sitting in steel folding chairs — <who will compete in various activities & afterward our judges will decide who shall be the goduncle. ¡i hope you’re all excited!>.

jack was met with an explosion o’ applause that matched the energy o’ the flashing orange & purple lights all ’long the slanted styrofoam arrows that hung all o’er the set.

& then the lights suddenly went out with the sound o’ sharp gasps.

o no, looks like we have some technical — .

jack was interrupted by blasts o’ gunfire. then, suddenly, the lights turned back on to reveal 2 o’ the contestants splayed ’cross the chesscolored floor, running with red blood, while the 3rd contestant sat back with his legs & arms crossed, scowling up @ the crowds.

Prompt:

goal, uncle, variety